Humans be crazy.
She’s now pooped and conked out on the sofa with Pete
and I’m staging a takeover.
(I’ve also heard her tell people I’m a diva. She’s going to be really bloody sorry for that one).
So what would you like to hear about? How about my perfect day? Then you can heckle mum on my behalf til she gets her act together and makes it happen.
Ideally I’ll wake mum up around 3 or 4 a.m. and get her on the sofa for a cuddle like the good old days.
Sometimes she can be a bit hard of hearing that time of night (and dad sleeps like the dead) so I do have to shout pretty loud to get her downstairs. It’s OK, relax, I’ve been blessed with the lungs of a Great Dane. She’s screwed.
Pete’s freaking useless at helping, he just sits there. Being all quiet.
I like to cuddle in close, so once she appears, I’d have to muscle Pete out of the way and settle down on mum’s lap/tummy/head and have a little kip. Pete gives in pretty easy, he told me he’s not really a hugger. Honest…
Plus I’m one of those dogs who sleeps like a starfish, I need some space while I snooze.
After a good sleep I’d go for a nice long walk before breakfast, to build up a bit of an appetite. And there had better be some damn birds to have a play with.
I’m pretty fast:
But I can’t quite decide if I love them or hate them. One day I’ll catch one of the feathery little b*stards and we’ll find out. I do need some new tactics to get them down though, circling the trees and barking at them hasn’t worked yet. And mum gets a bit shouty about it. Any suggestions? Do Go Outdoors do carabiners for dogs? They should, write that one down.
Next up for the perfect day: a good feast. No matter how many times I gaze longingly at the fridge mum just doesn’t get that I want the chicken. All the chicken. But this is my perfect day so she’ll understand just this once. Maybe she’d chuck some scrambled eggs in there too. A bit of carrot perhaps. Oooh maybe a nice bit of rice. Mmmmhmmmmm. A one pooch version of Dog Vs Breakfast.
Pete’s partial to a bit of scrambled egg. I might share it with him. Or I might just give him the evil eye til he backs off and lets me do my thing.
More snoozing to follow, maybe on my new bed. I’ll have to commandeer the whole thing, Pete just ruins stuff with his stinky boy feet and incessant humping.
If I stretch myself out he usually skulks around the outside a bit and gives up.
Then post snooze play/chew perhaps? I like my tiny little deer antlers the best. Has anyone actually seen a miniature deer? I’ll bet they’re cute. Santa would need hundreds of them though…
Maybe then mum and I would settle down with a book for a bit.
I’m quite partial to a bit of poetry after playing, what self respecting hound isn’t?
Have you read this one?
Now the Christmas tree has gone I can’t bark at the baubles any more (one of my favourite things to do) the rest of the day could pretty much be all of the above on repeat interspersed with a bit of wrestling with Pete and pooping.
Perhaps a little ride to the beach? I like to get my toes, and everything else, as wet and sandy as is poochily possible. It’s good for the fur don’t you know. Anyway, mum loves the clean up job so it’s a treat for everyone. She say’s she’s like ‘a Monica’. Whatever that is.
In the the evening we’ll settle on the sofa together and watch something fabulous of my choosing. I’m a sucker for a romcom – a bit of Lady and the Tramp? Not really a fan of weepies though, so if you’re reading this mum; no Turner and Hooch or The Fox and the Hound. Not after last time…
If dad’s about too I might give him a little cwtch. He loves it.
See I’m a simple girl really, easily pleased. Just constant attention and all of my favourite things – is that too much to ask?
Quite like this blogging lark! I might be back, anything you want to know? I could probably spill some of mum’s secrets…I’ve seen her starkers.