Anatomy of a Run

20140518_101600Remember ages ago when I took a pretty picture of my new trainers and promised to go running all the time, everywhere? No me either.

Or maybe that time I put on said trainers with a dress and ran across a field like Holly Golightly on acid? That was a strange one.

Since then ^^, other than a bit of sadistic spinning and aptly named Insanity, I’ve done…not very much in the way of physical activity. BUT I woke up last week with the sun shining through the window and an almighty urge to run, so I pulled on my relentlessly cheery trainers and got my lycra clad arse out of the door. It’s not as glamorous as it sounds, my lycra is old and sagging in places that I could probably do without it sagging in but I powered through regardless.

I’ve managed to get out a further four times since then and as yet my running superpower has not returned. I think lycra is my Kryptonite.

That first run (and all subsequent runs) went a little like this:

Min 1, downhill: THE HILLLLLLLLS ARE ALIIIIIIIVE… it feels good to be out. These trainers are magical, look at me go. Best. Idea. Ever.

Mins 2 to 5: Jesus Christ these dogs pull. Why didn’t I teach them not to pull? MY ARMS.

Min 6 to 11: Aaah open fields, I bloody love Devon. Go dogs, be free. Run wild….no Betts, I cannot throw the ball again. Hear that raspy wheezing noise? That’s my lungs weeping.


Mins 12 to 15: Ok, went off a bit hard there, breathe Michelle. Breathe. Ignore the burning in your ankles, it’s just laziness kicking in. No, you don’t need to stop and consult Dr Google to make sure. did anyway. Brilliant. Yeah, it probably is fatal, shall we carry on?

Mins 16 to 20: Is this starting to feel better? Have I hit some kind of rhythm? Wait. Did the burning ankle thing kill me? Is this heaven?

Mins 21 to 25:  Yeah it doesn’t rain in heaven so probably not. Seriously Pete, stop drinking the puddle you cretin.

Mins 26 to 30, uphill:  heeee heeee hoooo, heeee heeee hoooo. Is that my breathing? I sound like I’m in labour. Why have the dogs stopped pulling now when I need it the most? Why have you forsaken me hounds? Oh thank god, that’s the front door. That was the worst. idea. ever.

I’ll probably keep doing it, it might get easier. Running used to be my thing and I’ve recently discovered the joy of Sky Go – there’s something comforting about filling your ears with the sweet sound of Kevin Bacon chasing serial killers whilst you run your heart out. Besides the burning ankle thing hasn’t finished me off yet.

I’ve also started drinking juices (juices not made by me and which contain kale and beetroot and what not), upped my water intake and reduced the take aways significantly. I mean business…at least until Autumn when I can put big jumpers back on and hibernate again.

And you and fitness?

So ballot, much electors, very democratic